Essay bloopers.

I have just finished marking the first lot of year 12 essays.

They were truly appalling…. I don’t think I have ever seen a more awful calibre of writing from a year 12 group in my life. The topic was “One must belong in order to have an identity.” They were free to agree or disagree. The novel we studied was ‘Catcher in the Rye’, and they could write in any form they liked, (ie story, persuasive, feature article, etc.)

* It’s completely unlogical that you can only discover your identity upon finding where you belong. “Loser” is an identity, isn’t it?”

* In ‘Catcher in the Rye’ Holden has certainly not found where he belongs, but all through the book we identify him as a cynical, troubled pain in the bum.

* One was drawn to it, like a moth to a corrupted candle. (How can a candle be corrupted…. no. Never mind. I don’t want to know.)

* He crept up the stairs stealthed by years of practice.

* Are you just another face crowd?

* I became a mennace to society. (Love the double n. A rebel indeed…)

* Her voice is like an elephant’s horn. (must be a music student… I think she means ‘trumpet’.)

* Those who have been dejected by their peers… (They mean ‘rejected’)

After all, what ever happened to corporal punishment? A bit of waterboarding would do these brats some good.

* But I battled through it, attempting to disregard their abuses which often included names such as “brace face” and “smart arse” and several others containing rather disrespectful obscenities. (Umm… when are obscenities ever respectful?)

* The protesters were getting no sign of appreciation from the government.

* First came the colon, second came the ground. (No, I don’t know either…)

* Emma, Julia and Max all glanced up at me beaming teeth.

* I wedge the fat brown wad of conformity between my teeth… (Relax…. it’s a cigar. A tobacco one. At least I hope it is…)

* His mother stood at the door with her saggy and very old looking face of hers.

And my personal favourite:

* He hated the in crowd. They all had bludging biceps…

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19 Responses to Essay bloopers.

  1. amandab says:

    My brother once wrote a drama review that began, “Juliet was a chicky babe.”

    I stopped reading at that point.

    I also refused to help my sister on her history essay when she told me the film “Gallipoli” was not anti-British.


  2. Karen says:

    Froggy, I love your blog, but most of all I love the bloopers! Didn’t realise how much I have missed them.

    Cheers! Karen (near Bundaberg)

  3. saffronlie says:

    Why, yes, I am just another face crowd! Hilarious.

  4. libby says:

    my yr 10 even wondered about some of these bloopers and her English leaves a lot to be desired 🙂
    Ahh I feel secure in the knowledge the youth of today will lead our country heheheheh

  5. river says:

    Ha ha, bloopers. Love them.
    I didn’t understand Catcher In The Rye when I first read it, so tried again a few years later. Still didn’t understand it. I don’t think I could write an essay on it, so I’d give them all at least a couple of points for trying. But if you’ve read and discussed it in class, then probably they should have done a little better.

  6. trash says:

    Loving the image of biceps hanging out on street corners, with no job prospects, dependent on State handouts. Rotten dole-bludging mongrels!

    Laughed out loud at the idea of water-boarding as a corporal punishment for recalcitrant children.

  7. Isabelle says:

    Aha, that saggy and very old looking face. Think I’ve got one of them first thing in the morning. (Later, of course, I look like Julia Roberts.)

  8. Urspo says:

    * Are you just another face crowd?

    I know I is.

  9. Jayne says:

    Now that was a damn good belly laugh!

  10. frog says:

    You’ve got your work cut out for with this lot, that’s for sure. Though as a gentle reader of your blog, don’t feel you need to teach them too much. We’d miss out on our regular belly laughs.

    The one about the colon will have me mystified for days.

  11. Courtney says:

    oh – love when you have to grade papers 🙂 Thanks for sharing the bloopers – hilarious!

  12. Widget says:

    If you read this “Emma, Julia and Max all glanced up at me beaming teeth” with a cockney accent, it almost makes sense……

  13. Em says:

    Glad I *stopped* drinking my tea to read this or I would have snorted it over the keyboard. How do you concentrate on marking papers with these gems? I’m still giggling, thankyou.

  14. Mad Woman says:

    I have bludging biceps too. *snort*

  15. Stacey says:

    Oh I love the essay bloopers. May your Year 12s never improve.

  16. Great but I reckon they will all do well in life. Become politicians, footballers, English teachers! I remember it well.

  17. Marylee says:

    I’m worried about the poor mother standing by the door with her saggy.

    Do you think she had it on a leash?

  18. persiflage says:

    Some of those thoughts remind me of over-cooked, congealed and glued-together strands of spaghetti ,which cannot be delicately forked apart.

  19. Isabelle says:

    Very fine selection. I can currently offer only:

    Some scientists say that it’s a sign of global warming that the glaziers are retreating.

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