Want to hear something funny?

Well…. it’s not actually funny “ha ha”….

It’s something Tony said to Ryan3.

Remember how Tony and Viv said they’d pay 3K towards Ryan3 going to America next year for the school band tour, while I pay for David2? Remember how David2 no longer sees Tony? Wouldn’t you think that’d make Tony a little careful in what he says to the kids about potentially delicate things like money?

We were sitting in a restaurant on Sunday night. It was my mother’s 70th birthday celebration, so all of the family and a few of her ultra close friends were there. I was sitting near Ryan3 and the boys. They’d been at Tony and Viv’s place and had just got back in time for me to throw them all in the car and go to this birthday bash. Ryan3 leaned forward.

“Mum, I’ve got something to tell you,” he said. “Something Dad said. I don’t know that you’re going to like it.”

I nodded for him to go on.

“He said that he won’t be able to pay more than three thousand for me to go to America because he and Viv need to do some things and they’d have to put them off.”

(I made a non-commital noise, thinking, “Well yeah. Me too!” But anyway, considering his past history of child support payments, I’m happy that he agreed to put his hand in his pocket this time, so I wasn’t all that concerned.)

Ryan3 continued. “Then he said that they couldn’t pay any more because they had to save up to help pay for Evan4’s jaw surgery.”

Before I could stop myself I burst out laughing and said, “Oh yeah? SO DO I!!!” (And I’m on one wage supporting 4 adult-sized kids while he has his own business, a wife working part time and a toddler who eats as much as a sparrow would. I didn’t say this out loud.)

David2 rolled his eyes in disgust. Ryan2 said grimly, “I know.”

It’s incredible. Though I suppose he at least is starting to realise that the kids are growing up, so he’s taking the time to explain himself to them. Trouble is, the logic and fairness (or not) of the whole thing is also glaringly obvious to the kids as they grow older.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m very glad Tony and Viv have agreed to pay ANYTHING towards this trip. Three grand will pay for most of it, which I’m very thankful for. But it’s hard for the boys to hear the rationalisations that their father gives when he doesn’t want to go 50/50.

I’m also interested in how they rationalise it to themselves… am I, (a teacher), on a stupendous wage and can afford to pay a lot more than they can? Do they think that the boys cost very little to run? I do know that Viv and her family think that sending the boys on a trip like this is a colossal waste of money… she told the boys that a couple of weeks ago. When they told me I just smiled and we had a talk on how different people have different priorities on how they spend their money.

I don’t know…

Why couldn’t Tony just say to Ryan3 that they’ve done a budget and they simply can’t afford to contribute more, even though he’d dearly love to? That’d make more sense to him than anything else.

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10 Responses to Want to hear something funny?

  1. nicole says:

    Yeah, at least he’s being very straightforward…
    My sons Dad accused me of limiting contact between him and “his” son. I just laughed. There’s nothing to limit there! He hasn’t visited in half a year, he called three times for 2 minutes each, he wrote one postcard, sorry, even if I wanted to limit something, there’s just nothing to limit!
    Maybe we should both be grateful those men are at least being true to themselves in front of the kids. That way we don’t have to explain why their actions and words never match up….

    But gee, what a PRICK!

  2. trash says:

    Without doubt he is an insensitive bastard.

  3. Aside from his insensitivity, he sounds like someone who has never actually learned how to budget.

  4. Pixie says:

    oh dear..what is it with exes????
    do they lose brain cells when we divorce them??

  5. Jenny Howden says:

    Pixie – we all know (or should do) that MOST of the males of the species have but one tiny brain cell and it’s definitely not located above their waist ! Some things never change !

    For confirmation of the above, there is a fab little book I came across some years ago in the ABC Shop in Highpoint Shopping Centre in Melbourne – can’t remember the author(s) but the title is :

    Why Women Never Stop Talking and Men Can Only Do ONE Thing at a Time !!!!!

    Yep it’s true – great book, used for training in HR and has been translated into over 40 different languages.

    Wish I hadn’t passed my copy on some years ago. I could do with a good laugh now and then by reading it again – great cartoons too !

  6. Pixie…that’s why we divorce them! I hear you Frogdancer….and Viv should keep her opinions to herself about what is/isn’t a waste of money…she probably knew about the boys when she took your ex on…and like it or not he has responsibilities and should meet them…I agree…..he should have just said ‘would love to help out more……’ it’s sort of pitting one kid’s needs against the other in a way…….not very mature of him…..but then I don’t think from what I have read that maturity is one of his strong points! You go girl – you and your boys are awesome beings!

  7. Maggie says:

    I think it’s a shame he can’t just say something like that, instead of going into so much detail that has the potential to go so sour.

    At least the boys are getting older and are able to understand better what a douche he’s being!

  8. kris says:

    Kids do work it out eventually. I had a friend who’s ex accused her of poisoning her kids against him at a big family wedding. Their 16 year old told him that nobody could have poisoned them against him as successfully as he did every time he opened his mouth. My friend was shocked cause she didn’t think her girls were that grownup. I guess he didn’t either!

  9. Ellen says:

    Give the man enough rope …. it’s just sad for the boys to see him so transparently, toe-curlingly, tight-arsed! Lucky they’ve got a great Mum.

  10. persiflage says:

    My immediate reaction is that he cannot possibly be real. But alas, he is all too real. But it is incredible, and he has all the tact, empathy and consideration of cane toads and vipers.
    The day will come when contact with him will mercifully be infrequent and inconsequential. Your boys know which of their two parents really and truly cares for them.

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