Another death.

On Thursday I’ll be attending the funeral of a 14 year old girl who intentionally jumped in front of a train.

I didn’t know T, but I grew up with her aunt and knew her Dad. He was 4 years older than us, which in childhood is a huge gap, but he was still a part of our lives. Our parents were/are best friends. Mum and Dad are interstate at the moment so I said I’d attend the funeral for them.

Her Dad’s going through an awful kind of hell. He found the note she left but was literally 2 minutes too late to stop her. Can you imagine?

This is bringing up a lot of stuff for me. How does the old saying go… “There but for the grace of God go I?”

Depression can hit any child in any family. I know for a fact that this is true. A very dear blog friend calls depression The Beast and I think it’s a very apt description. It prowls and it bites and once it has you in its jaws it’s very hard to wrest yourself away. Almost impossible unless you have help and support.

Around 2 years ago I was able to save my boy, because he opened up to me. I was able to get him the best help available and support him every step of the way as he slowly dug his way out of the pit of hopelessness and darkness that he was living in. He was so brave and had to fight so hard, but I’m so very sure he couldn’t have done it without the help and love from his family, doctors and a very special group of friends who stuck to him through thick and thin. Poor little T kept it all to herself and consequently she received no help and no reassurance that she was NOT messed up and that she was loved and needed. She, like my boy, was an excellent actor and no one had any idea that anything was wrong.

This is probably the last blog post I’ll write about this because it isn’t my story to tell. I will say that the amazing blog friends who supported me on the private blog I had about my son’s journey saved my sanity several times over and I thank them all. I love them all and if ever they need anything from me they’ve got it. xxx

Never take your kids for granted. Please learn from what happened here and grab your kids and hug them fiercely and listen to them. It’s our job and privilege as parents to keep those lines of communication and love open. They need to know that they’re loved and that they can tell you anything. Anything.

You never know when it will make the difference between life and death. It did for us. (So far…. touch wood.) I just wish beyond anything that it could’ve been the same for T.

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19 Responses to Another death.

  1. Deb says:

    I think that’s the worst thing that can ever happen to a parent…I just don’t know how anyone can ever recover from it. I’m so glad that your experience had such a different ending….

    …and hope with time and support your friend can get back to some kind of normality…I’m sure that you will be a great comfort to him…

  2. Mary says:

    Oh my dear friend. One of my greatest fears. I remember a couple of years ago so well of course. Thursday will not be easy.

    RUOK day in September takes on even deeper meaning.

  3. Ellen says:

    I am so sorry to hear such tragic news and my thoughts and prayers are with the young girl’s family.

    Thank you for sharing a little of your story too – just sorry that you and yours have had to tread that particular path. Will e-mail in due course.

  4. persiflage says:

    How desperately sad, and dreadful to think of. To lose a cherished child seems the worst that can happen. So glad you and your boy were able to work through his problems.

  5. Sandi says:

    I’m so sorry. Dealing with suicide is difficult, especially with someone so young, because we think we could have done something, stopped it, if only we’d been more observant. But it isn’t about us, it’s about the person who is struggling. I’m so glad that your son was able to come to you. I wish T had been able to see through her depression enough to seek help.

  6. Katrina says:

    Oh hugs honey… thoughts are with your friend….how horrible… glad that your son was able to seek help

  7. Natalie says:

    Thank you. This story brings me to tears, for T, for her family. And what you shared… those brought all too familiar tears. I know the pain and struggle of saving a child’s life from depression, the isolation, the grief. It’s hard to keep the boundaries, and get help for ourselves, the caretakers. I am still trying to figure it all out, but your message here gives me encouragement… it feels like a comforting, supportive hug.

  8. Laura Jane says:

    what a tragic tale, and the echoes are close indeed. I didn’t know about your son’s troubles, but I know how it teeters on a knife edge, and thank God he talked to you about it.

    my sympathies to you all. . .

  9. saffronlie says:

    How awful. That’s so sad. 14 is too young (not that there’s ever an age restriction on these things). It’s good that you have been able to be there for your son, and that you can represent your family at this funeral.

  10. nicole says:

    I’m so sorry 😦 Depression is indeed like a beast. You think you’ve beat it back but it keeps coming.

    Drop me a line if you need to talk, I’m doing the pill shuffle myself, again…

  11. andi says:

    Heart breaking!

  12. paige says:

    Oh. I am thinking positive thoughts for that poor family. You and your family worked your tails off to beat depression.

    I long and pray for the day that we’ve beaten depression and it’s just a term we have to explain to med students. Like smallpox.

  13. Dee says:

    Depression and Anxiety can hit anyone of any age at anytime with no warning.
    It turns capable self assured out going people to the complete opposite of their former selves.
    One day I hope it will be more acceptable and sufferers will feel they can open up more.

    It is sooo hard for the sufferer and for the family …..and it has only been 6 weeks since he was diagnosed !

  14. Thinking of T’s family, and thinking of yours.

    “There but for the grace of God go I?” is a familiar feeling.

    I hope the funeral offers some emotional solidarity and support to a family that will probably never stop “what if”-ing.

  15. river says:

    “because he opened up to me”
    That’s the really important thing.
    The big difference.
    A lot of kids are unable to open up, even to friends and family they know well.
    Some either can’t or don’t realise they can talk to complete strangers, (teachers, counsellors) who may be able to help.
    It’s worse if you can’t see that someone is depressed, because then you can’t offer a listening ear, or any other kind of help.

  16. Amy says:

    i’m so very sorry to read this – on so many levels. and yes, depression can touch anyone’s life. yes.

  17. fifi says:

    oh, this has made me cry.

    I am so glad I know you, as you have been such a help to me.

    My son is 14. He was…well, very depressed in march this year. (till a month ago)
    Seems every dodgy gene in the family forest was visited on my children both.

  18. Urspo says:

    what a great post.
    thank you for sharing this

  19. kris says:

    Catching up after some time away, I had to comment here. I am a sufferer myself and have a daughter who made an attempt last year, an unsuccessful attempt. The prevelance of depression is a tragedy. You are the fourth person I have met who has some kind of connection with this young girl. If only she knew just how much her passing would affect others and therefore how vital she was when she was here. It is important to be in a position to be able to have your children open up to you, but it is also important to listen and then believe and then act. It’s important to remember too that it can recurr. It seems the black dog always follows you, you have to be careful.

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